HoroshaNoKage

If I were to be honest with myself, I'd say that I feel like a complete stranger on this website...

I can't tell if it's just me personally, or simply the time lapse of things, but lately I've been struggling to make amends with...a lot of things, actually. As some of you know (or have known--geebus, who knows how much I keep talking about it), I've been down different paths of my life. When I first started on this journey, I was just a high school girl who went nuts on a lot of different fandoms, and this showed whenever I posted a lot of fanart for a few titles like Naruto, Rurouni Kenshin, and Ranma 1/2... Those were fun times, and I got to meet a lot of lovely people who understood my sense of humor, or just appreciated the different scenarios I've presented (crack pairings and all).

Back then, I didn't think my vigor for my drawings would ever run out. And then came the college years. I still kept up with my drawings, and some would argue that my better stuff came around that time. Yet there was so much emotional drama that I went through, and I feel like my creative output started to sputter. Fun fact: I also dabbled in writing, something that was more apparent at a different website. Me doing art became a luxury that I soon had to hide.

...Hide? Isn't that messed up?

Soon, whenever I would take out a sketchbook, I would freeze at the new page because my hand couldn't move. My feelings didn't work right anymore in the sense that I wasn't open to them; I didn't have the joy and freedom of doing art like I did back then. Instead, there was guilt and shame, more so in the fact that I couldn't present my work without someone close to me basically saying, "So what? What can this do for your life?" Unfortunately, the prevalent mindset amongst a majority of my family is that money means success, success, success. The same old debates of the past of, "What good is art?" "How can it provide for you?" "It's not a stable job!"

I've lost confidence and my own will to press on. Instead, I became muted, and an accomplice to my own undoing. So it wasn't a surprise that I would fail at something I had no love for. Curiosity and interest, yes. But if someone sat down with me, the girl who started college, looked in my eyes and ask, "Is this what you wanted?" they would see my eyes go dead.

Fast forward to now.

I'm floundering right now, but at the same time, I'm pissed off. At this point, typing this now, I feel most alive and more determined than ever before to get my life back. To get my passions straight, and to pursue them with all of my heart.

When I signed on here to look at the pieces from those artists I'm watching, I realized that I couldn't completely let this place go. I couldn't let you, those who remain with me and waited, and those who were kind enough to share their works and inspiration with me--I couldn't let you guys go. I honestly love this site, and I'm grateful for it for helping me find like-minded people to connect with.

I signed on thinking it will be the last time I do so, but instead, I find that I cannot. I cannot and will not for now. I may be surrounded by dead silence at the moment, but maybe...just maybe, I can inject new life to this account.

Start anew.

So...hi, deviantArt. It's me--I'm coming back.

Hello hullo halloo~ This is Horo reporting from the Philippines! How's everybody doing? I bet most of you are off on your summer ventures, and for that I'd like to sock you in the face 8D

Heh, just kidding about socking you in the face, but I won't lie that I wouldn't be jealous. |D Aaah... Summer. Carefree days at the beach, or doing random shopping at the mall. I miss that now considering, well... I'm in med school. OTL Oh man, oh MAN--sometimes I'm still in this state of disbelief over everything. I remember being hella-nervous during my interview back in April! The night of the interview, I thought I didn't make it. Usually they'd call you after an hour (I had my interview at, huh, 1? 2 in the afternoon?), and I didn't get a reply.

Already, I was making some sketchy backup plans in my head all the while trying to keep myself from crying in front of my family. I have so much at stake, and I couldn't think of another path to take at that time...

But then, my Aunt turned to me with a text message, and I was accepted! AAAAAGHHHH... What trolls! D8< I was sure that I gave them my contact number! Anywho, I was accepted, and I've been enrolled since June 10.

I. Am. Currently. Tired.

Well, that was to be expected, but still! After three weeks of some quizzes, and adjustment, I felt like week 4 is the worst. I'm at my wit's end; we just had a load of 3 exams back on Tuesday, and I just had one today...and will have another TOMORROW. DEMMIT! I could be studying now, but I can't focus at the moment.

Oh, and oh! We finally got a cadaver for Anatomy on Wednesday! You know things get real when you get that smell in your lungs when they barely lift the plastic covering. Props to me for not swooning from it, lol... It was exciting though. After I got used to the smell, I took off my mask, and watched our professor and some students make incisions to the back! Once you see those muscles exposed, and your professor cutting along like a boss, you can't help but get excited about the possible future (Not of you being on the table, ahaha...ha. *ahem*).

Alas, reality likes to shove reminders in your face. I got a long way to go, uuuurrrghhh... Welp, fight on!

After all this, I think it's obvious that I'll be out of the drawing scene for a long while D: I still doodle, but not as much as I'd like. I mostly haunt tumblr for distractions though.

I've missed you all! ;A;

Until then, enjoy the summer!

Sorry everybody (especially those in groups...and being admins in groups OTL)

First off, I just want to say that the internet is practically non-existent at the place I'm at This girl's at her grandmother's house, lol, which is up a mountain on an island. Talk about provincial life, hoo...

But yes! The only few times I can sneak online is when we go to the city and chill at the mall. "..." Guh, my lingo's getting crappy. Anywho, long message short: Miss you guys, I'm [trying to] survive here for many reasons, and sorry.

:\

I'll get back on you guys whenever I can, so for those who can...wait for me!

If not, get some phone apps (like VIBER) and text me/call me 8D *nudge wink cough*

And I'm chilling with Dementors.

Hey everybody, how's it going? What's crackulating? How's all of my sugar-butts? 8| Hope everybody's doing well. For most of you, it's almost the end of a school term, and Thanksgiving (then Christmas) is coming up~♫ Good luck to upcoming midterms and finals!

As for me, I've been off the radar as usual. Last weekend, the family and I just had our own Send Off Party with family and friends new and old. IT WAS AWESOME. Even though I've sent out invitations at the last minute, I've managed to meet up with my fellow alumnis from both college and high school. I also got one of my favorite teachers (yes, it's possible to have a favorite teacher and NOT be a "teacher's pet") to join us.

Needless to say, there was a crap load of food; we had a whole, fried pig on the table underneath foil. So many selections that it overwhelmed my teacher [laughs]. Afterwards, we do the usual--we danced the night away, and when the elderly folk got bored with our hardcore music (trance, rap, COUNTRY, line-dancing), on goes the karaoke machine.

I usually hate karaoke. More so when it's always the sad, old tunes that would play, and I'd think of Mondays and its general association with hatred and gloom.

Thank goodness my college friend was feeling adventurous. Punk even shoved the mic in my direction and goes, "I wanna hear you sing."

OF COURSE THE SONG I'D SING WOULD BE QUEEN'S DON'T STOP ME NOW >8D Gotta love it when you have other friends and far-off relatives coming from the kitchen just to dance along or belt out the lyrics with you. (Kickass!)

Inevitably, a Queen Karaoke Marathon followed suit before it switched to 80's Prom Night, HAH!

But yes, that night blew everyone away, and while I goofed off with my friends...I finally felt it. It hit me that I won't be seeing these faces in person for an even longer while, and even if we enjoyed that evening, well...

Wish I could've done more.

AND WITH MORE PEOPLE! D8<

But that was then. Now I'm trying to keep myself from becoming a Tyrant/Harpy. Packing's ugly business, especially when you go on Vampire hours. Or you have drawing withdrawals.

I haven't had a decent nap even, tch.

So yes, I'm stressed--occasionally dark and short-tempered, but overall I'm excited for new ventures. That said, here's a schedule of what's going to go down:

Nov 17: I will be stripped of internet glory and cell services
Nov 18: We become "homeless"--family and I leave the apartment to check into a hotel
Nov 19 (@ 4 in the morning): "B!tch, I'M ON A PLANE!" Off to the motherland! I don't know when's the next time I'll have decent internet connection, so it's best to say that Horo'll be MIA for awhile.

In the mean time, my sis and I are doing a marathon of last-lunches/dinners with friends in the area. OTL Omg. And we're not done packing (we just said hello to Box #59--HOLY TOLEDO BATMAN).

...And I sound like a Frat Boy. >: Not cool.

Heyez everybody!

I'm currently in a hotel room at Washington, D.C. with my younger sister trying to bump me off the bed (fffuuu~!). We just spent the whole day traveling to here (4 hours) and then got cooped up for Consulate business (additional 3 hours). Man... My general schedule's been crazy since last week. Pop's getting ready for retirement so we've been running around getting the appropriate paperwork done, passport-sized pictures, and making copies. My sleeping schedule's been crap for a while but it got worse; I am an official "Vampire" what with sleeping at 6 in the morning until almost mid-day, guh. I forgot what early mornings were like.

High school days are now memories filled with wonder.

"Ho'shiz, I woke up at 6 in the morning every day? And I was even genki?" Ah youth.

ANYWAY, BUSINESS!

You guys are too nice. Somehow I've managed to nab more followers--thank you! I have to admit that I'm somewhat of a time thief, so I'm horrible at replying to comments or keeping a flow of updates. But still, you guys make me want to try...just like right now. :\ If it wasn't for this trip, I would've provided a new Catharsis doujinshi page up by now. Unfortunately the inking process only up to 65% completion, bleh. I'll try to get back on it when we get home (some mayhaps there will be a weekend upload, who knows). I think I'm on fire with this since I know my time's limited here, huh...

Ah well, life and all--will deal and keep on swimming.

Geebus, my journal entries are becoming weirder XD.

Hope you guys are enjoying the week! Autumn's beautiful here!